He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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