At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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