Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
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did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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