I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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