did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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