he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
