I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
