D3 body, D1 cock
dude i'm inner monologue high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize