Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
