yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have post one night stand depression
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
