i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize