I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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