I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
