how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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