I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
