my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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