idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
