i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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