We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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