covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
