How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
