three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you