i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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