I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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