Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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