And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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