i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
