Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have already put on my inside pants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
