last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
