Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
