i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
