i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
