I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
