i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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