Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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