your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
