The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
