ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
