Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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