Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
