it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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