i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
