You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
