I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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