I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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