Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
