Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
