Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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