Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
