smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
