You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
