i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize