508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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