Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
