apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
