I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize