Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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