No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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