I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
