What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
