Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize