You smell like stripper and shame
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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