We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
