i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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